How To Finally Stop Caring What Other People Think (And Design Your Dream Life)

I used to love video games so much.

I remember when I first learnt to play FIFA. It was fascinating. I spent hours creating my pro, making sure he looked as close to me as possible.

I had a dream. I wanted that virtual version of myself to be the best player in the world.

I was addicted, or as some would say, I was obsessed.

I could clearly picture what being the best player in the world would look like. Most goals in a season, earning more money per week than anyone else, making big money switches to bigger clubs. And so, armed with my desired outcome I created a plan to achieve it—and it was rather simple. Play more games, win every match while scoring as many goals as possible.

This clarity gave me the drive I needed to invest HOURS into making it happen. Barely eating any food. No showers, barely going outside. I would even sneak in at night to play (knowing I would get in trouble if I was caught)

Why we become obsessed

Why do we get so obsessed with games especially?

Humans are goal oriented.

We thrive when we have a clear goal we need to obtain. Whether that’s reading a book a week. Typing at 100 wpm or like me, becoming the best player in a video game. We love goals.

This is because the mind craves structure. Overwhelm and anxiety are rooted in uncertainty. A lack of structure. We have information but lack a clear path of application so we get overwhelmed. Or we lack information and hence have no clear path and we become anxious.

This uncertainty forces one of two outcomes: We create structure—like how I set a goal of becoming the best player in the world. Or we get assigned one.

Employers and manipulators understand this.

Games are built to give us structure. complete quest 'X' so you can have object 'Y'. Since the mind craves order, we immediately subscribe to this assigned structure and start chasing that goal relentlessly.

Potential distractions from friends, activities and even your own body dissolve into the background. You can sit and play for hours, forgetting you’ve not eaten or that you need to use the toilet.

You’re giving the mind what it craves most and in turn it blocks out every potential distraction.

So now you know what obsession is and why we get obsessed, let’s see how it relates to caring what other people think.

How to stop caring what other people think (and design your dream life)

There are 2 routes you can take to stop caring what other people think

1) Confidence:

You know the age old saying. Competence = confidence.

If you’re not good at something, you may not have the confidence to even attempt it. Much less doing it in front of others (in public). And if you’re truly confident, you won’t care what other people think.

So how do you gain competence?

By building your skills.

The problem:

when it comes to creating content online, you build your skills by creating content online.

To get better at writing tweets, you need to post more tweets and iterate. To get better at making videos, you need to upload more videos, study the data and see what’s working and what’s not.

So this problem, as you can see, creates the need for another solution. A suitable path for most people, which is..

2) Obsession: 

Obsession is an intense state of focus that’s not easily distracted.

Think of your favorite game.

When you’re trying to pass a particular level, you can get so dialed in that you forget you haven’t eaten. Or that you need to use the toilet.

Obsession signals structure.

You know what your goal is and although you’re not clear on what you need to do to achieve it. The clarity you have is enough to pull all your attention and practically force you to figure it out—even if it takes all day.

So how does this help you to stop caring what other people think?

Transferring Obsession - the key to not caring what people think:

We know why we get obsessed with games.

Clarity gives structure, and structure reduces friction to doing work. A clear goal and a clear path—paved with small wins—to attaining that goal, drives focus that isn’t easily distracted.

Cristiano Ronaldo is obsessed, Elon is obsessed (which is why it’s easy to predict that he’s going to make back all his losses. And depending on when you’re reading this, maybe he already has!)

Do they care what others think of them? Are they changing plans and limiting themselves because people could call them crazy?? No.

They are hyper-focused on actualizing an idea that they are passionate about, regardless of the background noise and short term results.

If you want to transfer obsession, you need to understand that life is a game.

Creating the game you want to play

A game is a structured story. One that gives us clarity on what exactly we need to do to achieve the happy ending at the end.

Life is a game (if you perceive it as that) — you have milestones, quests and little accomplishments all part of the bigger picture that is a happy ending.

You need to recreate your reality into a game. One with a happy ending—the ending YOU want. Not what society and family have disguised as being “what’s best for you”.

When it’s something you truly want. Something you’ve clearly outlined with a path to achievement, it becomes something you can give your full attention to—something worth caring about so that you can stop caring about things that don’t matter.

Deprecating opinions of others, personal insecurities and modern distractions disappear in the face of the burning fire your obsession creates.

How to create your game for maximum obsession and focus.

The first step you take in most video games is to create your character. The one you is the best use of the resources available to you.

Then when you play and reach the max level you can just mess around and do whatever you want. For your body you could get to a certain look and then you can where whatever you want (or not) and spend less hours in the gym etc. so you need to ask and answer on of three questions

• What does the maxed out version of your character look like? (your desired outcome in any area of your life)

• What traits and skills will the character develop? (The things you need to learn how to do to get there)

That alone gives you a vision for your future and the step-by-step process of achieving it.

Onward..

When you get a game, the first thing you need to learn (if you want to enjoy playing that game and win the game) is the rules.

You start by learning these rules & instructions and internalizing them.

Then you find out how these rules relate to you achieving your goal of winning the game (Some instructions may not matter to you at certain stages of the game. Ignore them) And you play the game by keeping your focus on these hierarchy of goals.

Understand that some instructions may not apply to you at a certain stage in the game. Ignore them rather than creating a problem for yourself that you do not have.

You win the game by achieving your desired goals and maxing out your character’s desired traits.

For example:

If your goal is to build a better body (desired outcome)

the traits and skills you need to develop are intensity and persistence, discipline, research on nutrition etc. (Things you need to learn how to do)

The rules are the ones you give yourself. e.g you’ll train for 90mins 6 days per week. You’ll only eat healthy (no cheat days) etc.

How do these rules relate to your goal achievement, do you need to cut or do you need to bulk first. Apply your own research to this.

Play the game till you achieve all this and max out your traits. Then do whatever you want. Focus on this and allow obsession with achieving your desired outcome to consume you. everything else fades away.

Create the game. Set the rules. Play by them. Win. Do whatever you want

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That’s all for now my friend.

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Thanks for reading. Have a kickass week.

— Frank